Suicide is not the answer

One foot in front of the other. It was all Reta Beardy could do when suicide suddenly descended upon her family.
Five years ago Reta lost her daughter, Ruth Anne, to suicide. Since then, it’s been a slow progression to overcome the grief that gripped her family. She described the moment her life changed as a bomb exploding in her home.
“The last five years have been years of picking up pieces,” Reta said of the aftermath of that day.
Since then, there have been days she’s felt like not getting out of bed to face the day. For the first year, it was about doing little things, she said.
“But I knew I had to walk, to put one foot in front of the other,” she said.
Reta and her husband Morley work as mental health counsellors, often traveling to remote communities in northwestern Ontario. Since their daughter’s death, the couple has hosted annual gatherings to help others cope with the grief of losing a loved one to suicide.
The Ruth Anne Beardy Memorial Gathering, held May 7-9 in Sioux Lookout, featured a number of workshops, presentations, singing and prayer to remember and honour the lives of those who died from suicide and to encourage and support those left behind.
The gathering has also been one way of coping with the tragedy faced by the Beardy’s. Through talking, sharing, singing and prayer, the gathering has helped the Beardy’s and others learn about grief and trauma.
Morley said understanding how grief works can help you deal with it. Knowing and accepting that grief is a part of life helps prevent fear.
“It helps our healing in a better healthy positive way,” he said.
Another way of coping has been through what Morley calls the “3 F’s” of faith, family and friends. The Beardy’s have a strong sense of spirituality. Reta said God has been her healer through the grief she’s been through. She’s found comfort in Jesus when times were rough. But she also said it’s important to take time for one’s self in order to find healing.
“We forget ourselves in our busy schedules,” she said “We need to take time to heal.”
Her daughter and Ruth Anne’s sister, Marietta, said she never really thought about what her mother meant. She’s realizing now how important it is to take time to get away and find healing.
Marietta is also thankful for the friends who have helped along the way.
“I’m overwhelmed with people who have helped since my sister passed away,” she said during the gathering.
Ruth Anne was only 23 when she took her life. She had just graduated from Dennis Franklin Cromarty High School in Thunder Bay, the first graduating class of the school, and was planning to attend college. Her whole life seemed ahead of her. So it wasn’t easy trying to figure out why she took her life.
But Morley believes suicide can happen to anyone at anytime. There are many issues people deal with and if someone can’t deal with those issues they face depression. They want to end their pain.
“It’s really difficult to live in this world,” he said.
It’s a decision a person makes to take his or her own life and Morley said he’s struggled with that when he thinks of his daughter. But all these years later, he still believes suicide is not the answer to life’s problems.
“Life is important, it’s precious, it’s a gift from God the Creator,” he said.