Dealing with Healing Part 1

Dealing with Healing Part 1

What makes me able to give the opinion about suicide and sexual abuse is not something I learned from books or at school; it’s something our family went through, it is what many of our families are going through today.

Our families and many families are dealing with healing from the imposition of dysfunctions that came with colonization—especially Indian Residential Schools (IRS). The shame base teaching taught in these schools certainly got deep into our ancestors and further into the DNA of the next generation. It is what we know today as intergenerational trauma. A lot of these imposed dysfunctions are still rampant within our communities, such as sexual abuse.

My family, myself and many others are dealing with knowing that this abuse continues in our communities. We know who is still perpetuating this immoral behaviour, but it goes unsaid. There is a fear of retribution if people speak about it, although on the other edge of the double-edged sword is suicide due to lack of acknowledgement and lack of proper healing infrastructure in our communities.

The ultimate creation of the imposed dysfunction from IRS were perpetrators and defenders although both are survivors-one has continued the dysfunction and the other is defending those perpetrated upon. Many times, when the horrible story of abuse surfaces, the victim is subjected to ostracization from the family and community. This is a direct cause to suicide in the community. It is difficult enough to tell the truth as it breaks a morbid loyalty and family connection that came from the abuse.

My knowledge about suicide and abuse is first hand, being subjected to the abuse beyond my power and capabilities. We are forced to deal with the memories of rape and sometimes torture. We have to celebrate the perpetrators birthdays or celebrate together at community and holiday gatherings. These are constant triggers. What I can say is that the memories never go away, they simply dissipate. As you heal, the memories get further apart, but can easily be triggered, especially when power or power over yourself by another person is pushed too far. That’s what the abuse is: a loss of power, a loss of healthy trust and loyalty. Your feeling of purpose is gone, and you feel like nothing better than a pin cushion for the sick people in your community.

I am sure if I was brought up in a supportive non-shame-based home, where boundaries were respected, I would not have these negative and nasty thoughts about what I endured, I would not have thoughts of suicide. For myself versus someone growing up in the community I had outside sources from my family that offered a sense of purpose and safety, such as organized sports. Hockey in the winter and baseball in the summer were my places of safety. Many in the community still do not have any safe space.

The hard thing about the memories is that we re-abuse ourselves all over again, go through the same trauma and pain. Although it is only memories and there are no longer abusers involved. Although, again people in positions of power can make you feel small and unimportant with their callous behaviour, but the secret is to figure out your triggers and not allow anyone to take away your power.

Self-medication may be the last vestige before someone decided to take their life, although I believe that when a person makes the choice to take their life their spirit is already gone. So, are we treating this illness properly? Mental Health is what we are trying to achieve by treating mental illnesses. But this is polarizing from Traditional Knowledge.

And what is Traditional Knowledge? It is that natural instinct we all have inside of us, that voice that tells us right from wrong. When you do wrong you feel sick deep in your guts. When you do right you feel joy deep in your guts. When you constantly do good and constantly feel this it is the base of what good was taught before colonization. No one set out to destroy people or hurt anyone for no particular reason. This is direct effect of Residential School Syndrome and in the next Publisher’s Note we will examine the reconciliation of colonial mental health and Traditional Knowledge.